Rodney On Earth

I get a lot of email, usually asking this or that question.  But I’ve found the most common emails ask for facts no one knows about me.  Also, I strangely get emails about my inability to eat hotdogs if the buns face the wrong way.  Anyway, I decided to tell 10 more things about myself that no one else knows about:

1. I was a biter.  My mom told me that when I was 2 years old, I would constantly bite strangers on the leg VERY HARD. And, when they screamed out in pain I’d fall on to the floor laughing.  She distinctly remembered the time I bit the carpet salesman on his inner thigh, just below his crotch.   Somehow, I believe her…
2. I tried to push  my balls out through my penis. When my mom gave 8 year old Rodney “the talk” about sex, she told him “the man transfers his seed through his penis, and into the woman’s vagina.”  Besides being shocked at the words penis and vagina coming from my mom’s mouth, I then thought “ohhh, those are the seeds! this is why most American families have only 2 kids: two seeds!!!!”  So I wanted to see what the seed looks like, and I pressed and pressed and pressed to get “the seeds” to come out of my penis, but I had to give up after a few days of pain.
3. I was nearly kicked out of my American History class in university, because I wrote a paper stating Benjamin Franklin must have been high when he thought of the concept of electricity and got the idea to fly a kite with metal keys on it during a severe lightning storm.  That’s some high shit, I don’t care what the professor says.
4. I believe that static on TV has a highly complex pattern to it, and that it is not just random noise.
5. I’m a shopaholic for Starbucks Tumblers
6. I’m insomnia’s favorite play toy. I only sleep 40 minutes each hour during the night, and fully awake the other 20 minutes.
7. When I do dream, if it is a nightmare, it almost always a dream of Superman being graphically murdered by Lex Luthor.
8. I’ve never peed in the shower or in a swimming pool. Hmm, I now wonder how many of my friends have: it would make for an interesting poll.
9. I’ve liked girls since I was 5, but pretended to not like them at age 10, since my other guy friends did not like them.
10. When I around 12 or 13, I thought Wonder Woman was into bondage, and was doing gangbangs in the Hall of Justice.  Come on, one super-hot girl–who was raised on Paradise Island with no men– in a swimming suit, with ropes and bondage bracelets, and about a half-dozen well-built, muscular men all in their prime, and no one is getting any action?  I’ve no idea why I thought this, but I later found a lot of boys thought the same thing as me.  I also collected the action figures, and Wonder Woman’s action figure did not have a vajayjay.  Now that I think on it, she could have been raised as a lesbian on Paradise Island, which means all the superhero men were out of luck: Epic Fail

OK, that’s it.  I’m curious to know 10 things about you too!!!

Cheers!

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Sent from my iPhone